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Living in the Light



The Lord Gives and He Takes Away

Jessalyn Hutto

This is the letter we sent out to our family and friends after we miscarried our first baby...

Dear Family and Friends,

As many of you know, on February 25th we miscarried our first baby. I wanted to take a moment to share with you a little bit about our baby and what the Lord has done through him. On January 28th I shared with Richard one of the happiest moments of our lives; it was the day that I told him we were pregnant. You could not have found two people who were more thrilled or thankful. We quickly began to picture our future bundle of joy and all of the many blessing that would result from him. The news spread like wildfire and everyone was able to celebrate with us. Four weeks later, I began to miscarry. An ultrasound showed that the baby was about two weeks behind in development. Though it was approximately eight weeks old, it was only measuring six. And then on the 25th Richard and I shared one of the saddest moments of our lives together.

It is an incredible thing to gain and lose something so precious to you so quickly. I know the pain and sadness of that day will forever be etched in my memory. But as terrible as this experience was and still is for us, the weight and beauty of God’s perfect love gives us great confidence and contentment. We know that this tragedy is not outside of God’s control. It was part of his perfect and loving plan for us. He measured out the days of this baby, just as he has our own. Therefore we rejoice in the amazing gift that this child was to us. Through him we were able to experience many joys: a pregnancy test being positive, the amazement of a human life growing within me, and the joy of knowing that Richard and I created something by the Lord’s grace. His death has helped us to understand so many truths about the Lord more deeply. It is a vivid reminder that all of our days are numbered. We cannot control our lives or our family’s lives any more than a flower can choose where it is planted, when the rain will come and harm it, when the sun will shine upon it, or in what fashion it will die. We must therefore live humbly before the Lord knowing that it is He who is in control of all things and trust in His wisdom. Though we have cried many tears and felt immense sorrow, we are utterly in love with our Lord, Jesus Christ. Through this experience we have found new meaning in the numerous descriptions of Him found in the Bible. He truly has been our rock from which we draw strength. He has been our river of living water from which we have received nourishment for our parched souls. He has been the refuge that we found peace and joy in though all around our world was crumbling. More than anything, he has been a father to us. A father who deeply loves, cares for, and understands us. Though all around us waves of sadness, grief, and fear grew great, our Savior stood to calm them.

Immediately after I miscarried I began to think about the parallel between our loss and the Father’s loss when He sent His son, Jesus Christ, to die on the cross for our sins. Perhaps now we have a minute understanding of what the words, “he gave his only son” truly mean. God willingly sent His son to die for sinners. We experienced the death of our child, but Christ’s death was infinitely more appalling. Unlike our child, Christ was the perfect God of the universe who suffered a cruel and unjust execution. We loved our baby so much, but our love could never compare to God’s love for His son. His love is without the blemish of sin; it is perfect. And yet the Bible tells us “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only son.” Praise the Lord for His sacrifice for sinners! If it was not for his willingness to sacrifice His son, we would be lost and without hope for redemption. Our sins would forever be held against us and would condemn us for eternity. It is because of the truth of God’s love for sinners like us, that Richard and I have been able to accept and find joy in this tragedy. Without it, there is no joy and there is no peace. We pray that if this letter finds you without an understanding of this truth you would search it out diligently. Read the gospel of John and pray that the Lord would open your eyes and lead you to repentance.

We would like to thank all of you who have so diligently prayed for us. Know that the Lord heard you and His Spirit ministered greatly to us (and still is) as a result of your prayers. The Lord has provided in so many ways, both physically and emotionally. My mother was able to be with us through the whole miscarriage which was a tremendous comfort and service. Many of you have not only prayed for us, but graciously sent cards, letters, flowers, gift cards, even money to help us get through this unexpected time. We are not worthy of such grace and thank you all from the bottom of our hearts. We love you and hope that this little glimpse into our hearts will encourage you as you seek to know the risen Lord.

Love always,

Richard and Jessalyn Hutto