Two precious lines that reveal a marvelous reality.
Life blooms within me once again. And there is that familiar feeling of unspeakable joy mixed with feelings of fear and anxiety. Will this baby make it? Will the Lord sustain his or her life to full term? Will I hold a beautiful baby as the new year rings or will I once again be visited by the loathsome sting of death within the next week, month, or even months? There are secrets the woman who miscarries knows, secrets that should be evident to all, but are so easy to forget. Life is a gift from the Creator, a gift that must not be presumed upon.
From the first moment I felt the familiar signs of pregnancy my soul began battling for joy… for hope. It is difficult to be exuberant in the shadow of such loss. When you have so recently held your lifeless baby girl, when you have now experienced two miscarriages, when you come to realize that life can just as easily be taken away as it is given, you seem to approach the Giver with timidity. His will is perfect, good, and loving. But how will that perfection, that goodness, that love manifest itself this time? Will he bless me with the joy of another child or am I walking toward another alter, another sacrifice of pain that will bring about the fruit of perseverance and deep rooted joy?
Perhaps you are among the many who have lost little ones in the womb. Perhaps you know someone who has felt this pain. You may be wondering what hope our Father offers to women who miscarry? What joy can be found in walking a road of uncertainty? How can the woman who miscarries hold her head up high and smile, laugh in happiness even at the days to come? These are thoughts I have been struggling with and I am sure others have as well. As I have been wrestling with such feelings, such questions, the Lord has been faithful to be near this brokenhearted woman. He has reminded me of such beautiful truths, such loving realities that I would like to share with you. I pray that even as I, with trembling hands, accept this gift from the Giver with grace-empowered joy, you would be encouraged to as well.
This week, through a series of posts, I will be sharing some of the wonderful truths I have been clinging to as I walk this road of pregnancy. My hope is that they will encourage other women going through the same emotions and struggles as I am. Today I begin with a marvelous thought, one that brings an immediate smile to my face…
What is happening within you is a miracle.
Women who miscarry, tend to experience a lot of the difficulties of pregnancy without any of the rewards. Many go through all of the ups and downs of early pregnancy–the nausea, the headaches, the exhaustion–only to find out that it was all for nothing (at least that’s how it can seem), all to find that the precious child growing within them has been lost. It can be easy to wonder if once again, the fruit of your body’s hard work will be denied to you.
What we must remember, and what we must take comfort in is God’s intimate involvement in our lives. This is especially evident in our pregnancies. The Creator of the universe is miraculously creating life within us. He is bringing into existence a human being from nothing! If you have ever seen an illustration of a fertilized egg (the first form your baby takes), you will agree, that there is no logical explanation for the rapid growth and development taking place as the child develops a blood pumping heart, hands and feet, and eyes to be used for seeing! This is a miracle, not just for the woman who is rewarded nine months down the line, but for any woman who is blessed to carry life, for no matter how long. There is something marvelous going on within your very body. Just as God stooped down to create the first man from dust, he is personally knitting together a marvelous human being within you. Let that sink in for a moment. Your Creator, your Sustainer, your Savior is at work within your body!
“For you formed my [child's] inward parts; you knitted [him] together in [my] womb.” (Psalm 139:13, applied to our children)
Though we may be tempted to fear the loss of such a gift, we cannot deny the incredible work going on within us. A person–an eternal being–is forming within you. This little one’s life is numbered in the exact same way every other human’s is–in the same way yours is. Who knows the number of days he or she will live but God? If this new baby is taken from our world earlier than most does it negate his or her worth? No. He is a creation of the Lord. She is a tiny baby growing and living. This child is a gift.
“O Lord, make me know my [child's] end and what is the measure of [his] days; let me know how fleeting [we all are]!” (Psalm 39:4, applied to our children)
“Your eyes saw my [child's] unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for [him], when as yet there was none of them.” (Psalm 139:16, applied to our children)
How blessed we are to experience such a miracle! How thankful we must be to carry a child, for however long our Father has planned. A woman who has miscarried can be joyful in a new pregnancy for the same reason she is so sorrowful for her past loss–because the baby she carries, the baby her body labors for is a creation of her God, and of marvelous worth!