There was a time when a positive pregnancy test meant unhindered joy and excitement and we simply couldn’t wait to tell our family and friends the wonderful news. Unfortunately, that time for us was short lived. In fact, it ended as quickly as our first pregnancy did. When we lost our first baby, pregnancy suddenly mutated from a thrilling, dreamlike experience to a battle for joy, peace, and trust in the Lord’s sovereignty.
Each time we found out we were pregnant, the joy of a new life growing within me was also mingled with the painful reality of how quickly that new life could slip away. My husband and I have had to offer up each new baby to the Lord, trusting in his good and holy will, and praying for his peace which surpasses all understanding. Three times now he has blessed us with the gift of healthy, beautiful little babies at the end of nine months, but twice now, he has lovingly chosen to walk us through the trial of miscarriage. And so, for us–as is the case for so many–pregnancy is full of mingled emotions.
The fact that pregnancy after miscarriage can be scary probably doesn’t come as a surprise to you, but what I am about to say might:
One of the hardest parts about finding out you are pregnant after a miscarriage is summoning up the courage to tell your family and friends the “good” news.
That’s right, your family and friends.
Let’s face it, when you miscarry, you are not the only one who goes through the trial–so do those who are closest to you. Your family and friends watch as your joy and excitement of a new life growing within you are decimated by the effects of death and they hurt right along with you. Your parents feel this pain particularly acutely. Not only have they lost a grandchild themselves, but they have had to watch their own children experience terrible loss and pain (which, I would wager to guess, closely rivals the pain of going through the loss yourself).
As the reality of a new pregnancy sinks in, the desire to tell those you love is challenged by the uncomfortable knowledge that they too, may have to experience another heartbreak. It can be very hard to summon up the courage necessary to share what should be (and is!) wonderful news. But this possibility of hurting them in the future isn’t the only thing that causes you to pause, the immediate reaction you will receive from them–either enthusiasm or fear–can stop you in your tracks.
The truth is, family and friends have the power to either encourage peaceful trust in the Lord’s sovereignty or add to your already burdensome fears.
While they are not responsible for your own battle with sinful anxiety, they can play a pivotal roll in either pointing you to the sovereign, loving Savior or to your own fearful imaginings.
But this post isn’t written for those who are struggling with the temptation to keep their new pregnancy to themselves for as long as possible. This post is written for those they summon up enough courage to tell.
I would like to plead with you, moms, grandmothers, sisters, and friends. If your loved one has experienced the pain of miscarriage, but has been blessed with another pregnancy, do all you can to encourage her to joyful acceptance of this new life. You have no idea the impact your reaction can have on her spirit as she walks the difficult road of pregnancy after miscarriage. She needs you to be happy with her; she needs you to fight for joy with her.
It’s okay for you to struggle with fear too, but know that your fear is but a shadow compared to the knowledge that the life within you may suddenly die without a moment’s notice. As she struggles for joy for herself, she is also struggling for joy for you. She battles the fear that you will view her as a ticking time bomb, just waiting for her to miscarry again.
This woman desperately needs people in her life who will celebrate the child she has been chosen to carry–no matter how long that time may be.
She needs people to remind her that the Lord is in control and will be with her no matter what happens.
She needs people who will love her child, even if his or her life is but a few weeks long.
She needs people to pray for her baby, and for her–that she would trust in the Lord’s will and be comforted by his perfect peace.
She needs people to smile and shout and congratulate and be thankful with her when she shares the GOOD news.
She needs you to love her.
Would you do that for her?
Would you be happy with her?
Don’t be the person she dreads sharing the news with, instead be the one she wants to call first–the one she knows she can count on to point her to Christ and away from fear.
To read more of my posts on miscarriage, [intlink id="12419" type="post"]click here[/intlink].